Yo dont text me then not text me
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
