cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I checked into jail on foursquare
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
