I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
