You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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