I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
