So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
