My liver just broke up with me...
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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