the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
