When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
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Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
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I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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