That's when you crack a 10am beer
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
