No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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