The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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