her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
