Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
