and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Randomize
