Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm like, not good at living.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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