I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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