I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
