so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
