Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I am available for nakedness
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
