Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
