he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
