sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
