Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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