hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
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I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
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She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
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