You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
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For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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