the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
