Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
