Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
