i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
