better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
