started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
