Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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