Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
