i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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