i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
