You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
