Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
