All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
