then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
