its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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