we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
