Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's blow job season.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
