I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
