I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
