help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
