when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
