I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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