I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I am available for nakedness
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
