I think I won the penis lottery.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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