he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
where are my eyebrows?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
