Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Everything about him screamed your future.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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