it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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