her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
