Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
