Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
