Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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