The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
