im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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