Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
where are you?
Hypothermia
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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