Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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