i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
