One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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