Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize