im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize