made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
