Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
