fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
