I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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