Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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