I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize