I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
