I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
