i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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