dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
