I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
