Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
