In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
