Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
