he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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