I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
