just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize