DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I think my moral compass just broke
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