Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
